UPDATE: This was in fact an April Fools joke. Didn’t fool anyone this year – we’ve cried wolf too many April 1st’s!
Dublin, Ireland (March 31st 2021) – TalkU2 has learned that U2 will soon announce a first-of-its-kind “virtual Zoo” concert series, to begin on the 30th Anniversary of the release of their landmark Achtung, Baby Album. Concerts will be held in a small number of locations. Fans in those locations will be able to attend in person, provided they show proof of COVID-19 vaccination. The concert series will open in Camping World Stadium, Orlando, Florida – the same city that hosted the first Zoo TV shows in 1992.
However, while physical concerts will be held only in a handful of select locations, fans will be able to attend shows virtually using a 3D headset from any location in the world.
According to a spokesperson for Principal Management, “band members have been overwhelmed by the success of the Virtual Road YouTube series and the popular E&I reimagination of the Macphisto character, and are eager to reinvent the concert industry by eliminating the most annoying aspect of the live show – the requirement to attend in-person. Nobody actually likes to travel to a stadium, struggle with parking, wait hours in line, worry about the weather, fear being groped or trampled, or sit in uncomfortable seats. They want the immersive experience of the concert, but without all the real-world nonsense.”
U2 is teaming up with Microsoft and Sony to deliver a live concert experience via those companies 3D headsets, Oculus and Playstation VR respectively. Fans will be able to project themselves into the stadium, getting a 360 degree experience. It will be recommended that fans allow themselves ample jumping space to ensure that they don’t injure themselves while wearing a 3D headset, and to obey neighborhood noise ordinances when singing along.
It is understood that Bono is especially keen on the idea of opening the show with their 2020 smash hit Let your love be shown, before taking the stage to Zoo Station. In an interview to air on U2.com and U2-X Radio tomorrow, Bono said “I think COVID has made Zoo TV relevant again. People want to dream out loud – at high volume – but they don’t so much want to leave their homes. Besides, who wouldn’t want to see U2 in their pajamas? There’s no mud, no line Nazi’s, no rain, no COVID, just U2 in your living room!”
Here are a few snippets of information from the leak:
- Elon Musk is donating several Teslas which will be hollowed out and used in place of the gas-guzzling planet-destroying Trabants from the original show
- Ticket prices for the in-person show are not known, but it is believed that virtual attendees will pay $159 for a standard virtual seat, and $295 for a premium virtual seat. U2.com subscribers will get early access to virtual seats.
- U2 is understood to be re-writing the lyrics to Numb as a series of COVID-related ‘Don’t’ commands – Don’t travel by train, don’t eat on a plane, don’t answer, don’t ask, just wear a mask
- Instead of calling the White House each night, Macphisto is expected to call socially undesirable white male CEO’s and have the audience tell them they’re cancelled. The irony will presumably be entirely lost on Macphisto
Speaking on condition of anonymity, the Principle Management spokesperson said “The band was actually really annoyed with Ed Sheeran for breaking their 360 tour world record with his ‘Divide’ tour, and they have been brainstorming about how to retake the record, and they realized that the biggest problem was that the fans had to actually show up.”
As always, TalkU2 will keep you up to date on the latest information as it emerges.
